the stillness after everything is blown away.

I didn't notice you at first, hidden behind the wooden door. You were doing the regular routine before coming into the house, removing your shoes to keep the dirt from coming in. I greeted your brother who was doing the same thing. Everything seemed normal to me. He smiled at my obliviousness, soon after I realized.
What was I to do first? Hold my scream in or let it out. I did both, one after the other. I stood there for a moment, wondering if things were real. I could feel my heart pumping through my chest. Much more than it ever had. Then I wrapped my arms around your neck and my legs around your waist and breathed in the new foreign, but fresh scent you had acquired over the years.
I couldn't let you go. 
It's been so long. I couldn't let you go if I tried. So you walked slowly into the kitchen, arms snaking around my back and supporting my weight on yours.
You put my down on the kitchen table and I placed my arms around your waist, my head on your chest. I stole every opportunity just to feel you and be with you again. Seemed almost endless, really. What's funny is that we never really had anything official, no. I don't know how to explain what we had. Maybe it was just 'special.' Almost non-existent but special. I'm just as confused as you are.
But I just stayed there, sitting on the kitchen table with my arms linked tightly around your waist, and yours (which had grown stronger since the last time I'd seen you) were placed gently around me.
We just stayed there.

Wow, that was a strange dream.

this time, we'll fade out tonight.

Think about it. What's the point of setting a goal if you aren't going to do anything to reach it?

I've been having a whole lot of self-discipline and self-control issues lately. Regarding a lot of things. It really isn't depressing me; it's all just very disappointing thinking about how much I could have accomplished over the months had I not been so complacent with myself. Way too relaxed, way too chill. And what's funny is that it doesn't even seem to matter how much I want to reach that goal. I never have enough in me to try to reach it. 

I have also been extremely lazy lately. I noticed how hard I work in school though. Is it possible because I know that people are watching me? Don't really know. But I get so frustrated with myself because I obviously do not want to suffer the consequences of sleeping late and getting sick and all that crap just because I feel lazy whenever there's a lot of free time. 

I seriously need to rewind and get myself together this weekend. 

I'd play a song that would never, ever end.

I remember when I was in grade school, I'd pass the upper years fearlessly. I wasn't intimidated by them in the least. They were all lined up for assembly, and I was late, so I pushed past everybody with my huge backpack and folder.
Being the visual person that I am, I remember scanning each and every one of their faces. I quickly studied the shape of their eyes, the sharpness of their noses, the perch of their lips, the amount of hair on their eyebrows. And the first thing I thought was, "they all look the same."
I barely saw any difference at all. Maybe a slight difference in the degree of roundness in their eyes, and the slight lightness and darkness of the shade of colour inside, and the way they smiled, each a little differently. But that was all. Everything else seemed pretty much the same.
And then I remember during one of my years in high school, I thought about it again. I remembered that moment in grade school. And I looked around at my new set of friends. I noticed the changes, the differences I had never seen in the people I looked at before. How different the eye shapes really are when you look at them up close, and how much of a change the shade of color the eyes can be, and how even the eyelids can alter the eye shape altogether; how different noses really are in the way they stretch down the face, the bridge, even the shape of the nostrils; how different smiles really are, how some lips are thin, others thick, others plump, and what each smile held, a different story.

just thinking.

I just got lost and slept right through the dawn.

One thing I am loving right now?

Coffee.

I don't know why. I mean, I've always been known to be the coffee addict among my friends, and even the family (or caffeine addict to be more general). Maybe it's this chilly weather that makes it so much more appealing, and the fact that I want to stay up late all the time. 

They've cancelled classes for the entire week. Isn't that crazy? Classes for me resume on Tuesday because UPD doesn't have regular lasses on Monday. It's insane but it's the only thing left to do right now. It's pretty much chaos left and right. 

Like I said, the rain is mocking us. For a few minutes, it's going to be complete silence, and then whoop, it's back again. And it's been like that for the past four days. Nonstop. I was lucky to get a small glimpse of sunlight when I woke up today at almost 12:30pm. 

Still praying.