this feeling's got the best of me.

(c) April Baldovino
edited by: me

For some reason, I have to keep asking myself if it’s really over. I feel like despite all the draining rehearsals and disappointments and achievements, everything all at once, it still wasn’t long enough for me to believe that it’s all over now. It’s crazy. How these things, these moments and these people, can keep you so grounded. And it’s crazy how no one ever appreciates these things, not even me, sooner. 

I love every single one of them. We’ve all had our mess-ups during rehearsals and during the entire production, but I still love them, because such a success of a play would never have been so. 

And it’s true, that it’s seen that every single person’s efforts are in it. And through that, we unite. 

I’m happy it’s Christmas break, because I’ve been waiting for this day for sooo long. But I am going to miss them all. 

So yeah, I felt the grad vibes a while ago, and it sucked big time. Not just grad vibes but also college (results)-vibes. Everything’s just going so fast, it’s scary. I think the biggest thing that scares me is that things are going to change. Too much too quickly. 

But praise God, so much, for the successful plays today. Seniors, we will conquer this school year with the Lord holding all of our hands all the way.

don't you worry your pretty mind.

Almost there.
It's almost the end of the year. It's almost the end of the school year. It's almost the end of a whole lot of things for me.
Things, that in truth, behind everything I've been through, I don't want to end.
Sometimes I wonder why things end. And I don't want to hear the statement "So that there can be new beginnings."
It's true, yeah, but really. Why do things have to end? Especially when things are going perfectly. Maybe not in the way that we want to sometimes, but it's comfortable. Fit, and just perfect right where it is, rather than anywhere else.

Ignore this post. It's almost 4:30 over here. I'm still awake and I don't know why. I've been awake for 22 hours. Almost 24, but I don't dare reach that.

I still have to go last minute Christmas shopping for things that I couldn't buy with my mom yesterday haha. And hopefully, I can get my own personal wants/needs too. Unfortunately, though, that means using my own money as well. Ohwell, it's the end of the year, so I can save up again when the new year comes. And this time, I won't spend it all on McDo and Starbucks anymore. It's part of my New Year's Resolution list. Haha!
Speaking of, I'll be posting my New Year's Resolution list hopefully on the 31st of December, depending on what I'm going to be doing at that time.
I've got quite a lot of New Year's Resolutions actually! I think the most I've had ever. Currently, they're less than 20, but I've got a lot more coming.

Happy holidays!
School's almost over :)

now I'm hung up in suspense.

It frustrates me, that because of school and its endless academic demands and requirements, I can't feel any of the Christmas vibes. I mean, hello, thirteen more days until Christmas! t h i r t e e n !

I should have started feeling the vibes since December started! Ugh. 

I really hate school. I love learning, sure, but the unreasonable rules and restrictions and late nights doing academic stuff and not just because we want to, and unwanted stress and marks on our faces and hoarse voices and not enough time to hang out with friends and lessons that really really really won't help you in real life, okay, they really really really won't. 

Ugh. 

Christmas break, please. Please, come now. 

i thought i was never worthy of miracles.

You know what I find amazing?

I was flipping through my Bible a while ago, trying to find appropriate verses for particular infractions in my book report. I was flipping very casually, occassionally seeing a few side notes and comments beside certain verses.
And I was trying to remember each moment that made me write those things.
It amazes me so much, how in each and every single situation that we go through, there is at least ONE verse in the Bible that will completely explain/contradict what we've gone through. It amazes me so much how we can always find the s o l u t i o n,  t h e   c o m f o r t,  t h e   m e r c y we need from such a little book.
I guess I'm saying this because, finally, after how long, I am being convicted.
You see, I haven't actually had my quiet time in a while. Imagine, even before UPCAT, I didn't have my Quiet TIme. And I guess when it gets to that point, that's when I deserve t be punished. The Lord showed that to me in a few ways the past few weeks, but still, He has been so incredibly gracious and merciful to me.
And the thing is, I don't deserve it. 
I don't.
The Lord saves and forgives and accepts us, no matter how dirty we are based on our wrongdoings. He will take us by the hand and gladly walk the road of faith with us, without any hesitation, bitterness, or anger.
I think another reason why I'm pouring out so much praise is because I just received my last Physics quiz. Which I was supposed to fail. Yes. Supposed to. I expected and I deserved to.
But I didn't.
He is the most amazing, awesome, and praise-worthy person in this entire life.
I cannot even contain it right now.
I want to fall down on my knees and praise Him like I never have before.