untangle me, I'm not looking for a sign.

Reality sort of just struck me today.
Two deaths in the past week. And while everything is such a shock, the emotions are rolling. I wasn't really close to neither of those passed. One of them was my teachers' father. I wasn't close to their father, in fact, I didn't really know him, but I love my teachers. To see know that they're dying inside and trying to regain the same strength they always help us build every single day.
The other, I actually knew. She's a family friend. My mom's good friend. I've talked to her a lot before. She'd come to our house when her son and my brother finished football practice. She always smelled of strong, strange perfume. The same kind that my lola wears, like what her apartment smells like. She wore colorful clothes every single time I'd see her. And strange, unique pieces. A satin powder blue scarf, pink flared pants, a rainbow colored tank top...
She was an amusing sort. Interesting. And talented. She danced with passion and well, momma-swag. She always had stories and jokes to tell. She and her son were a team. Team for life, dynamic duo, if you may. Must be devastating for him, to have lost his teammate.

How time flies. How quickly things can just disappear. How loose the rope can get from your grasp. It's sad. And that's how reality struck me today.

hearts so pure in this broken place.

I don't even have the proper words to describe each and every single day of the immersion right now.
Only the memories and images in my head playing over and over again can really tell how amazing it was.

The second the bus stopped in front of the church, I could feel the goosebumps coming, and  my heart beating, and the anxiety starting. It's like the way you feel when you step on new ground--a new place you've never been to before, at least, you have been to before, but have never met the people.
We all clambered out of the bus, dragging our things behind us. I was trying to prepare myself mentally for the heat, the bugs, the rude stares, the whispers, the humiliation, the risks...
But as the days passed by, it was becoming too clear that there was nothing to be afraid of. The people were nice enough to accept our loudness and craziness. They were hospitable enough to open up their homes and sacrifice a little to make us feel at home in the best possible way. They were kind enough to do their best to not make us feel like foreigners in our own country (except for the typical basketball guys who will always, no matter what, stare at us girls and take pictures of us "secretly" with their camera phones).
The bugs were definitely not falling from the ceiling constantly. The homes were not as bad as they were told to be. And overall, everything was amazing.
We were contented. Maybe not completely satisfied, especially with all the coping, and the lack of bathrooms, and the constant sweat and heart, but things were bearable. Especially because we were with our friends, including our new-found friends.
Things went by so quickly. The nights were cool, the days were hot. But no matter how many activities were needed to be done, I enjoyed every single second of it. And it became better because I knew that we were serving for God and God alone. Not for ourselves. Not for anyone else.
I am so lost in words right now. I don't know what to say at all, because I really don't know how to explain it. It's just really such an amazing thing that happened to us. To our batch.
Truly, the Lord made no mistake in choosing our batch, Batch2012, to be able to go the immersion to help out and minister to the people there. The Lord is so good. He controlled the weather for us to be able to get there safely, and enjoy the natural, tropical, provincial air. He blessed our parents with the money to provide us with the opportunity to serve. He strengthened us all to be able to help and share the Lord's Word with others.
The Lord is too amazing.
Thank You, Lord, so much, for blessing each and everyone of us. I really do pray that the people in Luac will continue to find a brand new love in the Lord and to be refreshed and restored in their faith.
We'll be back in Luac. One day. Someday. Soon. <3

they're telling me it's b e a u t i f u l.

So camp is tomorrow. In a few hours. Haha, and yes, of course I am still awake.
For some reason, though, it doesn't seem like such a big deal for me. The event itself. Maybe because I forced myself not to think about it too much. Which is a good thing. That way things will just flow as they are and I won't have to deal with my own thoughts getting in the way of the camp's purpose.
There are a few things I vow to do: (and trust me, I am going to do my very best to keep these vows)

1. Keep an open mind. Yes, I tend to be closed-minded on certain things. Like activities and sharing and fellowshipping. But that's something I'll have to get over. 
2. Being emotional only at the right times. So, yeah. I'll admit, that there were a few times in camp when I would only become emotional because everyone else was emotional. This year, I will only be emotional if my heart calls for it. If I feel emotional, then I'll let it out. And for the rest of the things that aren't that necessary, I will be manhid. (I have to learn to be more manhid, especially this upcoming school year! :P)
3. Use time wisely. Unlike home, I need to be able to use my time wisely. During siesta time, I will either sleep, read, or study for the final exam on the last day. I can talk to the others during siesta time, of course. But yeah, hopefully, though, more time will be spent for (much-needed) sleep and studying.
4. Have fun. I have a tendency to hold back a little whenever it comes to camps. While there are times when I just completely let loose, there are times when I am also too reserved. I keep things to myself and am afraid to let go. Which is funny because in school I'm not like that at all. I guess it's because I always feel like I'm being judged around the people in church, while in school, being crazy isn't new. So yeah, I just need to relax and have fun. 
5. Do my best. There will be a lot of sudden challenges and tests of faith. And there were moments before when I would just let it go. Like, okay, this isn't graded. This isn't exactly that important. I don't care. And then when I lose and get beaten and fail, I beat myself up. And I lose my confidence. And the pressure rises. And that sucks during camp because that's not what you're supposed to feel. 

So yeah. Hopefully I'll keep these vows. 

And tomorrow, I swear, I am just going to go with the flow. Whatever happens. I am putting a great trust in the Lord for what will happen in the next few days. 

Going to sleep soon!

And I'll be back in around a week. 

I'll write while I'm there and then post when I get back. ;)

<3

it's just colored water.

My very first watercolor attmept. Ever.
It was pretty challenging, I'll have to say. Relaxing my strokes more than the way I do with acrylic. And of course, the use of water was obviously necessary, which is different from the way I paint with acrylic, because I learned that you don't need water for the acrylic paint to run.
I found a picture on Tumblr with this girl looking down on her realistic dress. Yes, realistic, because her dress had actual flowers on them. And so I tried to portray the same thing.

in the making...

I was supposed to outline the shapes with a black pen, but then I realized that it looks so much better and so much more realistic without the dark cartoon-like lines.

the finished product!

I feel pretty good about this. Considering it is my first time and I was so, so afraid to try a different medium before. So, wheeee! This is one of my last posts before I head to camp in Bulacan tomorrow morning. :)