I think it's the David Archuleta concert today. (yes, the second time David Archie is here in the Philippines, and I can't go) Sigh.
I've revamped my brain in a way that it doesn't get affected by these things anymore. I told myself I'm too used to it, and I'm going to get too used to it.
You know what suddenly scares me?
Not getting art.
The funny thing about it is, we always think "not my will, but Yours, Lord". But the thing is, I've been studying and learning and practising and dreaming of art ever since. It's like my mission is fulfilling my childhood dream. What if that isn't "God's will"? I mean, all those years of preparing and studying and practising and going back to basics and learning new things--all for nothing?
Could it be?
I mean, a dream that seemed right at my hands. Is it really possible for it to be taken away from me? For some reason, I can't imagine. I can't imagine myself not doing or studying Art. I can't imagine myself doing anything else, really. And that sucks, call it being closed-minded if you want, but I don't know. It just really scares me. The possibility of not going the path that seemed so clear to me. I still want it now. In fact, I want it much more, more than I ever have. And the stronger that desire grows, the more I become scared.
Ahhhhh.
and it burns, but it burns out golden.
